


Dictionary definition for 'masking'

by heavenlydevil



Series: p a u s e [1]
Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Autism, Autism Spectrum, Character Study, Eye Contact, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:30:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavenlydevil/pseuds/heavenlydevil
Summary: Eyes make him uncomfortable.





	Dictionary definition for 'masking'

Shuichi doesn't like eyes.

They tell too much. They tell too little. They're caring, they're ignorant, they're dull, they're desperate.... They're intimate, distracting, they tell all the little details he doesn't need to know. They bore into his soul and somehow know all his details, all his secrets. He loses focus when he looks at them. 

His eyes burn, it's like looking at the sun, he's exposed and vulnerable. He wants to cower like a small animal, escape, find a nest. He wants to be wrapped under blankets or rock himself back and forth.

He doesn't.

He doesn't wanna do this.

He doesn't want to look at the eyes. 

All he wants to do is hide under his hat. 

But, in modern society, especially for a detective, eye contact is important social construct. You meet people, you're excepted to play by the rules. You smile, hello, how are you, you make eye contact. You talk and question and you definitely don't break down. You smile until your mouth hurts. Then you go home and rest.

He's learned to 'fake' it well enough by now, though. So it doesn't completely exhaust him. Little victories.

Little glance at the eyes, then lips, nose. Left cheek. Right cheek. Then again. And again. Sometimes he finds himself looking at other nostril or something, but usually people don't notice.

It still feels too much sometimes, though. Then he lets his gaze wander, especially with friends, around the room, looks at person's clothes.

He likes looking at Kaito's jacket, letting his eyes wander over the pattern. He finds it comforting. (Sometimes he strokes it with his hand when they hug or cuddle.) Amami's shirt is nice too, though it sometimes starts to hurt his eyes, and he's forced to look away and blink rapidly so he doesn't feel dizzy.

(Sometimes he realises he can't remembes his friend's faces. Kaito and Maki are easiest, but others... Sometimes it's a blur. Once he walked past Kirumi, completely ignoring her, because he didn't recognise her.)

He likes Kokichi's scarf. It's nice pattern. Little harsh, but comforting, and fitting.

He... doesn't know what he thinks of Kokichi's eyes.

He looks at them, more often than at others, mostly because he's curious. And because Kokichi's eyes are a blank.

They are completely devoid of any emotion, just blank, purple orbs. It fascinates and scares him. When Kokichi smiles, it's just like his mouth is just doing the motion, without any input from his eyes. Like a mask. Like someone stretching his lips with their fingers, over the cheeks.

He doesn't know what to think of that. He doesn't know if anybody else notices it, either. Sometimes Shuichi notices things much better than other (he tries not to think of 'normal') people do, but sometimes not as well. He notices small details, and slowly puts together a whole picture.

He feels like his picture of Kokichi is still missing many pieces.

He doesn't know when or if he'll complete it. But when he looks at his eyes, when he looks at his empty grin, he can't help but feel intrigued.

(And sometimes, when it's just two of them, it feels like there's small sparkle in his eyes that's usually missing.)

(It burns.)

(He looks away.)

**Author's Note:**

> Wow look what I banged out! Woo! (Let's.., ignore the fact that i have story to update,,,,,)
> 
> So, uh. Look at me, once again inserting myself into fictional characters I love.
> 
> When I first played drv3, I was very on board with Shuichi being autistic. I think he fits the profile well, and it's no wonder he's the character I feel like I most resemble. But I haven't seen any fic for that yet, and it's a shame.
> 
> Well here u go! hope somebody else enjoyed this too, I did this real quick and it was fun!


End file.
